Our dreams can help us untangle our emotions about people who are no longer with us, according to psychologist Patricia Garfield, PhD, who's written nine books on dreams. After her husband of 33 years died in 2002, Garfield developed a theory that grieving people experience "dream seasons" while mourning the loss of loved ones.
During the first season, akin to the traditional period of grief, people dream destructive images. "I dreamed of sweeping up shattered glass, like the shattering of a life," Garfield recalls. Later, in the second dream season, people experience chaotic dreams filled with swirling emotions of sadness and guilt. "People feel isolated in this season," she says. "Older women get depressed and the suicide rate among older men shoots up."
Finally, in the third dream season, individuals transfer their recollections to precious memories, and their dream images turn positive with new life. "I dreamed of babies, reflecting the length of time since my husband died," says Garfield, who's interviewing other widows about their dreams for a forthcoming book on the subject. "After three months, I dreamed of looking at an infant in a baby carriage. After six months, I dreamed of an adorable baby sitting up and laughing. Dreams have a special power to help us let go of someone we love."
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